Some people say that “how you do one thing is how you do everything.” This is a story about why that principle may be true for your relationships.
I worked with a guy when I was fixing scooters. We didn’t get along great because he was all macho and I didn’t like that attitude (although I do appreciate it for when I need that kind of energy). But one day we were getting along fine and I needed some help so I asked a couple of guys including him if they knew any tricks to getting a brake drum off of a brake-wheel. He said nothing and came over to my table with tools and an intent-look on his face. And then started trying to do what I had already done, pulling the wheel. Things got harder and the brake-drum kept sliding around. Eventually he grabbed the flathead scewdriver and jammed it in the side– which is one way of doing it, but it tends to damage the parts. After using all his strength and some brake fluid, the parts came apart. But he had also used a hammer to try to knock the axle out, which is not how it is even meant to be deconstructed. So the end of axle was busted so that I could no longer attach it to a scooter.
Now I think about times when guys are trying too hard to get something done. It can accomplish things, for sure, but is that really the way you want it to end up? Do you realize that you are putting too much energy in, and you are literally ‘crushing it’?
If we apply this to relationships with the opposite sex: Is this the way you really want people to feel when you’re done courting them?
Also, what made you feel that way? What is it inside of you that makes you so afraid of losing the battle? Why should you be trying to battle something, if you are also trying to save it? Those two forces are opposites.
How do we grow from here?
If you don’t like how you do one thing, and it’s connected to everything else, how do we change? How do we stop a cycle, one which we don’t like to see in ourselves, without hurting ourselves? My suggestion is that you take time to get to know yourself and your thought processes. That’s part of the wonderful journey of life.